Is the Fear of Failing Keeping You From Being Happy?
A friend of mine just shared that she sets goals and then immediately becomes apprehensive about failing. She hasn't achieved any of the goals she recently set. Her goals have been forgotten and she has been too busy putting out fires at work. She explained that she set goals that she thought would be nice, but never gave them structure or took action. Does this sound like something you have done?
I can relate to setting goals that get forgotten. I get excited about something, but if I don't act on it right away and create structure and accountability, I'll forget all about the excitement and lose my drive. Then, if enough time goes by and I happen to remember but never took any action, I'll discount the importance of the original goal. Do you relate? Does this sound like your experience at all? I'm curious.
I'm guessing that you already know the value of taking immediate action and creating accountability. That's how things get done. We know that. More important however, setting and working towards goals is an integral part of generating your own happiness. Goals help create a sense of purpose. Studies show that utilizing your strengths and stretching your skill sets helps create genuine happiness and life satisfaction.
What grabbed my attention from what my friend shared was her mention of being apprehensive about failing, something I don't often hear people discuss deeply and openly even though the observation that we're getting stopped by our own fear is so valuable.
What is it about "failing" that's so scary? Is it that the goal won't be met or what not achieving the desired outcome means? What scares me is that people are getting stopped from going after what will make them happy because of their association with failure.
I'm going to be bold and assert that the real fear is about the risk of feeling like a failure and the self imposed judgment and "make wrong" if we don't accomplish something we think we should. The fear of failing that holds people back has nothing to do with obtaining the objective, but rather the emotional response associated with what we think not achieving means and the related shame. We're trying to avoid feeling like a "failure" or a "loser" and many are worried about what others may think.
Letting go of being afraid of failing and looking bad may seem difficult I know. I'm fully capable of beating myself up for not doing something I said I would do. I've quit when feeling vulnerable, exposed and incompetent. And, I've made my share of mistakes. Fortunately however, I don't get stuck by these feelings as much as I once did. With practice I'm able to break the habit of making myself wrong about failing and with persistence I'm able to work towards that which makes me happy. It's such a relief. One of my big "secrets" to happiness is to get myself into proactive creating mode.
If you want something, why not go for it? If we're capable of not being attached to the outcome or judging ourselves if we "fail", we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
One of my favorite stats was in a book by Jack Canfield, but I've failed at verifying if I remembered it correctly, so my apologies if I don't have the statistic entirely accurate. I am pretty sure he said that most people hit 70% of their target goals. 70% success is huge. Heck, 50% would be a failing grade, but accomplishing 50% is a lot more than zero (which is what you're creating by avoiding setting or working towards goals). The idea of failing by achieving somewhere around 70% now has me not only setting goals, but set bigger and bigger goals. I love setting goals. I even thrive when someone tells me they think my goal isn't possible. I enjoy the challenge and the sport.
Sometimes I still forget, I miss deadlines and miss the mark entirely. I can see there's still room for improvement. Good. There's reason to keep playing.
The satisfaction of going after whatever it is - taking action - is usually far more satisfying than the actual outcome, but if you set and hit great goals, both can be enjoyed.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that creating a sense of pride and accomplishment didn't make me very happy.
My goal in writing this was to inspire you to create some goals and take action. Did I succeed? Or did I fail?